The headline of a Globe and Mail article today read “For a single moment, the stars were aligned”, referring to the brief moment the green party lead the polls in Owen Sound last night. It brought a smile to my face. I would have liked to see the Green party pick up at least one riding if the referendum is not going through (Which btw, is all hikago’s fault). Of course, I didn’t help the cause either; I didn’t vote green.And boy am I paying the price now. This morning, on my way to work, I was ambushed by an elite tag-team of Al Gore and David Suzuki. Despite having the fitness of a hippo and the smarts of a chimp, they still managed to chase me down behind an alley. While they had me against the wall, the Govinator showed up with a piece of two-by-four.
“Do you know what you’re doing to your children when you’re driving a high-emission vehicle?” He screamed in my face.
Scared shitless, I nervously shook my head, but he proceeded with a solid whack between my legs.
“Why are you doing this? I didn’t do anything? I swear” I asked.
“You just don’t get it, do you?”, said Gore, while Arnold takes another swing. I thought I heard something crack. “We’re just saving you the trouble of finishing what you started.”
“Please stop. I’m in a lot of pain”
Just then, DiCaprio showed up with a metal baseball bat. They ignored my pleas and proceeded with the beating.
It must have went on for hours, but finally, someone spoke out.
“Ok. Let’s hurry this up. The Earth is not getting any cooler. Those assholes won’t kick themselves in the nuts.”
I must have blacked out after that, as I don’t recall much else.
Edit: Holy mother of man bear pig, Al Gore just received a Nobel Peace Prize this morning. (one day after I posted this)
